Last week The Other went out for a can of deodorant, and came back with a bunch of the biggest cut sunflowers I have ever seen. When asked what the occasion was, he replied “Well, you said you liked sunflowers the other day, so I thought I’d get you some”. Ahhh….how spoilt am I?
And yet before I could open my mouth to say anything of the sort, he threw the cat a long suffering look and sighed “See Monty? Now she thinks I’m feeling guilty about something – I can’t win!”.
(Worryingly, the cat miaowed in concurrence… more disturbingly, it appears that The Other and The Ragdoll now understand each other!)
I hadn’t said a word, people !!!!!
Apparently, the reason men don’t buy women flowers is because they think, no, they know we’ll immediately suspect they’ve been up to something. “One in five women given blooms for no special reason have dispensed with flowery words of thanks and accused their men of having a guilty conscience”.
Who are these bloody mean-spirited, insecure losers that are ruining things for the rest of us? Jeez, if you are going to be that worried about a sodding bunch of supermarket flowers, how on earth would you react to a fancy meal out or, god forbid, some nice jewellery? A fork in the eye over the seafood starter maybe? Strangulation by Cartier?
What is the point in being in a relationship where you are afraid of buying your girlfriend a gift in case it leads to a big argument about what you might have been up to in, oh, the 40 minutes it’s taken to get from the office to your front door…
And if you are that girl, what the hell are you doing? Does anyone really *want* to end up slanging it out on Jerry Springer / Jeremy Kyle / Trisha* (delete as appropriate*)… if you have that many damn issues about a few blooms, please do the poor guy a favour and cut him loose, set the gift-giving lovely free to lavish the rest of us with his innocent generosity…then maybe give Dr Phil a call for a little chat!
So please ladies, just take the damned flowers with a smile and a “thanks”, and, hell, even a promise if the mood takes you! Stop ruining things for the more emotionally stable of us…I love the flowers, dammit!! Bring on the bouquets!!!
Speaking of guilty pleasures….
….just how many miles do you have to run to undo the wrongs of a Chinese takeaway and a bottle of red? Damn, slipped off the wagon yet again….