As I approach 18,000 views of my l’il ole blog, and sit here shivering on the coldest May 22nd on record, I thought that it might be time for a little warmth & frivolity.
This is a particularly banal post, so feel free to skip it if you’re too terribly busy and important. But if you’re bored on an equally dull, grey May day, then read on.
The following are the, erm, interesting Google search terms that have brought you rambunctious readers to my silly little site:
Suicidal dentist – this was today’s precious gem. I don’t even want to think about what compelled you to search for this (and which post it might have brought you to), but…okay, welcome. I promise not to mention cavities or canines, ever again!
Best breasts – my Dad reads this blog, so the less said, the better.
Kerstin Pepper best breasts – Erm…..see above.
Amazing pics of snow and pink sky – Awww, thank you. Is this what you were after?
Carrie Bradshaw walk in wardrobe – Yep, I want one too. Mr Big and a closet full of Manolo Blahniks would be super nice, too!
Run naked on beach – Okay. Have fun. Live, love, laugh. Enjoy. I’m not sure what it has to do with me, though.
Dream book urine – I’m sorry, but….what the fuck? (sorry Dad). Who SEARCHES for that? Did you pee on your dream book? Or did you dream of a book about urine? Or is your dream book all about yellow snow? Whichever it is, I suspect it’s quite wrong. Sorry, dear reader, but I’m not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for here!
Bulging bladder pee – OK, Mister Pee Obsessive, leave me alone already!!
Chris Brown as Baby – Really? Do you mean “Chris Brown is a baby“? I suspect so…so here you go!
Kayu – Oh my God, if you must search for the Canadian devil spawn, then at least spell it right!!
Fuck Ugly Nude – Again, sorry Dad. And….really? Why, Google? I’m pretty sure I don’t feature any at MumtoMom – you’re screwing with me, you geeky perves!.
I’m the leader of the free world – Thank you, darling. I do aspire to greatness, but this may be taking it a step too far. I’m flattered though, really I am.
Labour and birth positions – Sorry, I choose not to share. Have I mentioned that my Dad reads this?
Brizzle is the shizzle – Hell, YEAH it is. Up the Bristol massive!!
çizgi film karakterleri – If I could understand this, I’m sure I’d come up with some (not very) witty response, but, alas, I’m reduced to “What the….?”. I don’t even know what language this is, let alone what I might have written that equates to it! But, hello foreigner – isn’t diversity awesome? Just please don’t let it be Caillou again.
Daniel Craig Skyfall – Okay then, if you must. Sigh….
Does Pain is Good? – I have no idea, and I probably don’t even want to go there (Fifty Shades has a LOT to answer for!), but please, if you must Google anything, at least start with “Proper sentence construction”. Thank you! With love, your friendly Grammar Nazi.
Pepper Christmas Mum Jogger – That’s, like, a little super-mini biog of my life. It’s almost as if you couldn’t remember the name of my blog, so you searched for everything I hold dear. Christmas? Oh yeah, love it! Tick! Mum? Yes, I am! Jogger? I have one, and I am one. Ding, ding, ding, you win, yaaaaay!!!!
Holy Piss on a Stick – I literally have nothing. Except – ha ha ha ha ha, hilarious, Batman!!!
Jamie Lee Cutis 2 Y Chromosomes – Erm….do you really think so? Many, many lustful boys who were lucky enough to enjoy the 80s would beg to differ (and I’m pretty sure your high school biology teacher might have something to say about it as well!).
Incidentally, I’m pretty sure she spells it “Curtis”.
Disobedient wife drove on icy roads and received a spanking – Right, that’s it. FAR TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
I’m not sure I can take any more. I need a drink before I can get to “pictures of women breastfeeding their husbands“, or “is Kerstin really made a man?“.
So, bottoms up, darlings. Thank you for reading, you twisted, freakish lot, you! There is definitely a Part II (and III and IV) to this post, but for now, I’m not sure my self esteem can take much more. Seriously, how can I possibly have the best breasts, and still be made a man?